Lots of things have been going on since I last posted. Life changing. On one hand, everything is wonderful, I am alive and there is hope. One the other I am just starting to let myself begin to feel what's been happening the last month and a half. Some are of happiness and relief, others are of frustration and loss.
Frustrated because for over two years, I've been living with what had been steadily growing inside of me. Fending off doubts about my body- my self esteem taking a hit every time someone mentioning my weight gain or asking if I was pregnant and after saying that I was not, then being asked again if I was sure that I wasn't pregnant. Frustrated because I had my check ups and the doctors appointments I was supposed to have... they didn't catch it for 2 1/2 years.
Loss, for the not only for the reasons stated above but also for the ovary, tube and decreased possibility of having children.
Happy. I am so thrilled to be alive. There were a couple of points where I wasn't sure if I was going to live through it. That God might be bringing me back to Him. Thankfully, that was not my time and I don't think God ever let Josh get to that point, it wasn't His will, but I was there. It was serious. Things could have most definitely gone the other way. Goodness, my ovary was the size of a very large watermelon. It started at my bikini line and went all the way up to my bra line and then from the outer side of my rib cage to the other. It didn't burst, it didn't rupture damaging any organs other than what had to be removed. In short - it was a miracle.
Relief because I have made it through it all :) I am here today and just so blessed.
For now this is where I will leave it.
Blessings,
~*~Serenity~*~
