A New Leaf & Passion

After posting my last update I re-read what I had written pre-surgery.... and deeply cringed when I read the two sides piece. How self important am I? My goodness. I am so sorry.

This week, well actually Monday, I made it my mission to earnestly try and figure out what I want to do with my life at least till I have kids (I know my goals and just about everything else will change then). I am turning over leaves - both personally and professionally. I promptly started looking at the jobs available. I read descriptions, went to websites, and did some independent searching. After hours upon hours of searching I was a bit flustered. Not one of the prospects even remotely appealed to me.

Then when I was about to try and derive another method I came across an opening at a chain photography "studio." That is when I had a stroke of inspiration. The gears started to come together, what if I did photography? I could capture the moments of new journeys, fresh life, and what ever I wanted in-between! Eventually, I might even be able to open my own studio. Of course I realize this will not happen over night. I need to practice, train and through experiences I will lean. It is so exciting.

I went to the Fort Worth Camera Club meeting on Thursday - which only fueled my desire to start running with my new found pursuit. Today I have priced cameras and done some checking on what it might take financially for me to go to Big Bend in November. It was talked about at the meeting. I have always wanted to see Big Bend and the fall colors (I am hoping) in combination with the scenery will be an experience. Unfortunately, it looks like camping is the only realistic way I can go seeing as I do not own a camper and staying in a motel is out of my budget. so that will prove interesting I am sure. Roughing it is not usually my idea of fun. Hahaha, I just remembered for the second time today, I do not even own a tent. That I will hopefully be borrowing one from someone.

Well it is getting late and I still need to fix dinner, have a great weekend!

                                          ~*~Serenity~*~

MiXed Emotions

Lots of things have been going on since I last posted. Life changing. On one hand, everything is wonderful, I am alive and there is hope. One the other I am just starting to let myself begin to feel what's been happening the last month and a half. Some are of happiness and relief, others are of frustration and loss.

Frustrated because for over two years, I've been living with what had been steadily growing inside of me. Fending off doubts about my body- my self esteem taking a hit every time someone mentioning my weight gain or asking if I was pregnant and after saying that I was not, then being asked again if I was sure that I wasn't pregnant. Frustrated because I had my check ups and the doctors appointments I was supposed to have... they didn't catch it for 2 1/2 years.

Loss, for the not only for the reasons stated above but also for the ovary, tube and decreased possibility of having children.


Happy. I am so thrilled to be alive. There were a couple of points where I wasn't sure if I was going to live through it. That God might be bringing me back to Him. Thankfully, that was not my time and I don't think God ever let Josh get to that point, it wasn't His will, but I was there. It was serious. Things could have most definitely gone the other way. Goodness, my ovary was the size of a very large watermelon. It started at my bikini line and went all the way up to my bra line and then from the outer side of my rib cage to the other. It didn't burst, it didn't rupture damaging any organs other than what had to be removed. In short - it was a miracle.

Relief because I have made it through it all :) I am here today and just so blessed.

For now this is where I will leave it.


      Blessings,
~*~Serenity~*~

Two Sides to Every Fence

Not having any "followers" has been a bit of a humbling experience. I am so used to constantly being watched. For people to add, talk or come to an event, just to see where I'm at, whether out of curiosity or to see if I have some how managed to mess up yet again, so that they can wave it in the air for all to see, I know not. I do hope that more often than not it is the first- but I know better than to hold my breath. LOL Being a PK (preachers kid), yes even still at 24, people are constantly watching everything I do and say. So really it's been quite cathartic to be able to write what I want and at least not definitively be held to the yardstick. It's been a humbling and cathartic experience. First I was very serious and then vulnerably silly. A side of myself that I don't share as much as perhaps I should. That is something that I am working on, and hopefully, slowly but surely I am getting better with it. Anyway, back to the mainstream thought. I would love to know that someone, other than me is getting something out of me sitting down to type out a few of the wisps of thought that go through my head... but I'm also content if no one else does - at least for a while, otherwise I may just return to writing on paper. Either way it has been a good change of pace. Have a great evening, my invisible friends! hehehe

~*~Serenity~*~

Rain is a Good Thing

Ummm. How I LOVE the rain. Right now it is pouring and it is absolutely gorgeous! It excites, enthralls, and lifts me up. How beautiful, basic and elemental it is. I am so glad that I get to experience it, that God put me here on this earth after the flood so I can.... Ok, so it would have been awesome to see the world before, but this is a positive to being born after. : D  Liquid diamonds falling from the sky. Let's go dance in it! LOL

Moments...

There are moments in your life that make you who you are. That set in motion the course for who you will be. Sometimes they are little, subtle moments - sometimes they are not. So are we puppets? No. They will still come wither we want them to or not. That's when we find out who we are.

I am not satisfied with where I have been, but in order to change, I must notice my moments to change my course. That is what I am doing here and now. Publicly taking a stance. So here I go. I am consciously changing my course, wanting and trying to be a better Christian, person, wife, sister, daughter, friend and acquaintance. So here will be recorded my steps and tumbles My joys, triumphs, and sorrows. But as they say, among friends they are doubled and divided. I do hope that you will be my friend. Here for us to encourage one another, not tear down and destroy. We already have a judge and don't need a wannabe. With this I will end my first post. I think is sums it up - terrifying and beautiful:   

Jeremiah 7:5-7

"If you really change your ways and your actions and deal with each other justly, if you do not oppress the alien, the fatherless or the widow and do not shed innocent blood in this place, and if you do not follow other gods to your own harm, then I will let you live in this place, in the land I gave your forefathers for ever and ever."

Have a blessed day,
~*~Serenity~*~